I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
