for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
