I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
