You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
