hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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