It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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