you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
