while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
