you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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