I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
