She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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