Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
