my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
