HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
