so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
