fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
