I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
