my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
