Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
