When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
