and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
