dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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