thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
