Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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