the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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