if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
