Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
