My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
