I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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