Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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