so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
