Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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