I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
