LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
