So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
