My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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