im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
