Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
