"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
