Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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