Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
