oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
