is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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