New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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