Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
