Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
