Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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