isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
