Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
