I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
