At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
