i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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