walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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