Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
