I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Alive.
So much puke
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize