I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
