is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
