i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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