the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
