My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
