Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
