I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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