I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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