The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
