Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
