There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
