We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
