i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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