Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just invented taco cereal.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
