i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
