are you so shy because you have an std?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
