Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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