i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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