I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
