Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
