You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
