In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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