i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
