I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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