so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
