At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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