On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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