if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize