dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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