So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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