so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
